Eulogy for Tom Melly

February 8, 2025

Bob O’Connor, Vice President and Senior Philanthropic Advisor

I am humbled to be standing in front of you all today to share reflections on Tom.

I had the privilege of meeting Tom during my first week of work at Hobart and William Smith nearly 27 years ago. It was May of 1998 and Tom joined our Alumni House staff meeting to introduce his board chair successor, Charlie Salisbury, ensuring that those colleagues Tom worked so closely with on the fundraising Campaign of the ‘90s were properly introduced. It also, I think, was Tom’s way of signaling to Charlie the importance of our work as Tom took philanthropy so seriously.

That same weekend, the Melly Academic Center was dedicated, providing necessary expansion to the library with much-needed classroom space. Within 72 hours I learned that Tom was “kind of a big deal – to say the very least”.

In the following several years, serving as President Gearan’s Chief of Staff, I had numerous opportunities to see Tom at events in Greenwich and New York City, and at Board and capital campaign meetings on campus.

Tom’s transition from an extraordinarily impactful Chair then returning to an active trustee was something to hold out as textbook board governance – he did it with deference to others and remained highly active. He served as a mentor to so many board colleagues and my staff colleagues.

Tom was always concise in his speech and he listened to all points of view. There was not a lot of wasted breath with Tom but rather when he spoke it was generally what the Board, or those of us in Geneva, needed to hear.

It was not until I was appointed Vice President for Advancement in 2007 that our relationship really deepened. It’s that beginning that I would like to expand on this afternoon.

For the next 17 years, our relationship went something like this: about every three weeks, we would catch up on the phone…

If I called Tom, I made sure to seldom call near the close of the market and I rarely called on days the market was tanking – I learned that lesson early, to always check the market first!

If Tom called, he usually led with something like this, “I’m surprised to find you in the office.” “Is anyone working today?” “Did I wake you?” I would scramble my brain to bring to the forefront the recent highlights/updates of all things HWS because it was Tom Melly on the phone.

The balance of the calls were framed with these standard categories:

How is everything in admissions? Depending on the time of year we would cover applications, deposits, yield, discount rate, and staffing, and he was always hopeful and optimistic. Tom delivered so many applications through his friends over the years – he was always selling HWS - and it was authentic.

Admissions covered, Tom would shift gears…

How is your team doing? – any new gifts? He was always eager to hear about new prospects and news gifts. I was privileged to hear stories from Tom of the many successes he and President Hersh championed in the Campaign of the 90s. That campaign and Tom’s leadership put fundraising on the map for HWS. And I was witness to the next few decades where he did not let up.

I often talked through all sorts of situations happening at HWS and Tom was a coach for me, navigating complicated relationships and weighing in when he believed we should be headed a different direction.

Tom was never negative of our operation but you always knew where there was room to grow.

He was the type of leader we all want to work for, one that makes you feel as if you can accomplish anything. He believed in you and that gave me great confidence in my work.

Next in the conversation: how is Mark doing? Tom was mindful of the crucial role a president plays in moving an institution forward from his days as Board Chair to the decades that followed. He had a special relationship with Mark and greatly admired Mark’s leadership and his deep commitment to Hobart and William Smith. Knowing the position can be brutal, Tom was exceedingly thoughtful in his regard for Mark and Mary, and for the job they had done, and were continuing to do.

At this point, we were rounding the corner to home when we discussed athletics. How did Hobart football do this weekend? We would cover past and upcoming games. And as the seasons shifted, we touched on ice hockey and lacrosse. And our extraordinary sailing team was always a favorite topic for us. When my office was positioned overlooking Seneca Lake and our sailing team was on the water, it inspired more frequent calls to Tom. It gave him great joy when I’d call in February when the team was on the water training with whitecaps and ice. Kind of demented but he loved it.

We would talk about Ali Marpet and the Buccaneers, the Giants (less so in recent years – sorry New Yorkers), the Yankees, crops in the Midwest (thank you, Judy) – the man came to know a lot about soybeans and corn. We often covered his family, Judy’s family, grandkids and great-grandkids and how proud he was of his family.

He loved any of the Hobart versus Trinity College matchups given the deep Trinity roots with the Melly squad. But Tom was particularly pleased with last year’s Men’s Ice Hockey National Championship victory over Trinity – in Hartford. That was fun for him. He loved his family, period.

My conversations with Tom were always a two-way street. Tom was always invested in knowing about my family. For the better part of the past five years, my father battled through several health issues and a call rarely finished without Tom checking about my dad. That meant the world to me.

I always knew that our call was wrapping up when Tom finished with, “what else should I know?” By that point we had generally covered it all! And I could tell he was beginning to turn his attention back to the market or that lunch was on the horizon.

And in a uniquely distinctive Tom Melly goodbye, he always closed with one simple word “Ciao!” It was such a cool way to wrap up a call, right?

These calls were a gift to me and while they are paused for the time being, I look forward to the day when they resume. Until then, “Thank you, Tom, and Ciao”.